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It's 7:15 in the morning. The numbers of the phone display look complainingly at her. She's been in bed for two hours. She is actually very tired but the thoughts and the tensions do not let her sleep. The days before that, she didn't sleep much either. It happens a lot.


She's thinking about what she wants to do and what she should do. She's thinking about what she can't do. She goes through all the scenarios in her head and makes a plan for everything. She can't help it. Control is all she has and the independence of her thoughts does not allow her to rest and the tensions grow.


So she's doing the only thing she can do. She gets up, walks into the bathroom and turns up the shower. The water is too hot, but she's getting under it anyway. It helps against tension and she likes the warmth. Everything's better than showering too cold.


She's been showering for a long time. She doesn't know how long. She has lost track of time and she is still thinking. She wants to stop the thoughts and tensions, but they don't.


She dresses and walks outside her front door. It's way too cold. "That's good.", she thinks to herself. Then she starts walk. She's freezing. She ignores it. She is moving fast. The legs start to hurt. "That's good, too.", she thinks to herself. She continues for a long time. She keeps moving until her legs shake and hurt terribly. Then she starts walking back. She's still trapped in thoughts.


When she arrives home, she is tired and exhausted. She puts her back to bed but still can't sleep. She lies there for a while and really tries it but the thoughts do not leave her.


So she gets up again. And start to use her PC. After all, she's got a long list of things and rules to do anyway. She gets creative and makes a picture for herself. She's had it postponed a long time ago. She likes what she created. That rarely happens. But the thoughts still don't let her go. She looks at the computer clock. It's almost midday. "I wasted half a day.", she says to herself. Then she opens Word on her computer and starts to write:

 

It's 7:15 in the morning. The numbers of the phone display look complainingly at her. She's been in bed for two hours. She is actually very tired but the thoughts and the tensions do not let her sleep...